Conversation Over Dinner

a- What are you making?
b- Just some pasta and stuff. I'm gonna put these beans in. I bought this '18 bean mix' today, pretty excited about it.
a- Eighteen-
b- I love beans.
a- -Different... Beans...
b- These beans- I've had the beans soaking for a while. They're good for you, I mean-
a- Beans is a funny word.
b- Beans is?
a- Yeah, beans IS. Beeeeaaaans iiiiis.
b- That's just 'cause you're saying it a lot.
a- I'm not-
b- Happens with any word.
a- -saying it a lot, wait. I'm not to blame here.
b- Blame?
a- I didn't buy the '18 bean mix'.
b- What? What are we blaming me for? This-
a- You're bean-obsessed.
b- What?
a- Bean lover.
b- Am not.
a- Earlier you said: I love beans.
b- ...Jesus fuck. You're right, I said that.
a- YEAH.
b- Why are you doing this, why are you being so-
a- Why am I BEIN'? You're not even rational anymore.
b- Oh that's cute.
a- Why don't you start wearing a BEANIE everywhere and sitting in BEAN-
b- You're embarrassing yourself.
a- -bag chairs collecting BEANIE bab- WHY DON'T YOU MARRY MR. BEAN?!
b- Pretty proud of that one eh?
a- You guys can go around telling people where you've BEEN-
b- Look just stop, stop, stop... Stop saying beans.
a- I will when you stop requiring eighteen varieties of them.
b- Seriously. There's other stuff... in here, so...
a- Alright.
b- Just-
a- Alright what else? What else is... cookin' here?
b- Well. I've got some chopped toms, got a little cheese, fried up some zucchini and mushrooms, got some steamed kale. The sauce is kind of a blend I-
a- Kale is steamed.
b- Well that sounds, kinda general, you know, not all kale has to-
a- Man, Kale is so steamed right now.
b- ...Yeah...
a- I've never seen Kale steamed like this.
b- But- I mean like, what do you mean by that?
a- WHAT HAS GOT KALE SO STEAMED??
b- What do you mean by the things you're saying.
a- Sorry, just... You know when you said that, it reminded me of my fake brother.
b- ... ...Levin?
a- No, Levin's real, he's just not my real brother.
b- So he's your fake brother.
a- Right. I'm talking about my FAKE brother. Kale. I couldn't even imagine him steamed, I always imagine him being extremely mellow. He gives surfing lessons, you know?
b- I am... just so lost.
a- Well see, my fake family owns a surf shop in Tofino. It's called Wavelengths. Kale teaches surfing out of Wavelengths. I help out with the shop, a lot, you know, and-
b- Okay, I'm just- gonna pick one- thing here, why Kale? Why would that be his name?
a- Same reason anybody's named anything right? Our fake parents. I mean yeah, sort of an odd choice on their part, but that's Thatcher and Zinnia for you, HUGE hippies you know, never let-
b- Wow.
a- Yeah! They never let us call them mom and dad, either. Something about freedom from unnecessary and ancient societal conventions that restrict... freedom...
b- Right, so you would call them...
a- Thatcher and Zinnia.
b- Wow.
a- Of course those aren't their real names.
b- No, that would be absurd.
a- I mean their original names, like from birth, they never told us. They didn't want to be associated with other peoples' intentions for them; didn't want any negative-
b- Hold on-
a- ...name energy...
b- Do you mean to tell me, that neither you, nor your fake brother Kale, are aware of the real names, of your fake parents?
a- That's a fact.
b- Is it? Sort of depends on the phrasing... I guess...
a- Anyways what is 'real', you know?
b- Do you?
a- I mean they got them legally changed, so that even by society's standards, they'd be who they wanted to be.
b- And they wanted to be Thatcher and Zinnia. God I am just, I just can't stop thinking about your real parents right now.
a- What? Why would-
b- I've met them. They're nice.
a- What do they have to do with anything?
b- Maybe I should send them flowers.
a- Can we get-
b- Or an apology...
a- Let's get back on point here. They chose. You know? They gave themselves the right to choose their own identities-
b- Fake identities.
a- They made use of their own personal power, which I always admired, for sure I did. Thatcher, he just wanted to get back to a simpler time, you know, back to the basic things in life. See, a long time ago, people didn't have last names, so to distinguish amongst themselves they would say their occupation after their name, hence like Smith, Miller, so forth...
b- How much time have you spent with your fake family?
a- So it evolved, like from: "Hi, I'm William." "You're William? I just met William, down the road, he was... taller, and I'm confused now."
b- Wait, sorry, pause. Which William in this scenario is your fake dad?
a- Neither, what?
b- ...tall William, or?-
a- No this is an example. You're missing-
b- Mmkay, maybe just, continue and I'll catch on.
a- K so short William says, "I'm William the Thatcher. Like William comma Thatcher. William Thatcher."
b- Why not just William Short? Like William comma Short.
a- No 'cause I thatch. Like with roofs, I do the thatching. I'm a thatcher.
b- Right, so fake pops is a thatcher.
a- Oh... No, there's not really a market for that anymore. He runs the shop.
b- Oh yeah, Wavelengths...
a- ...Does a little farming, in our yard... as well.
b- Sure, sure, sustainability...is um, is key...
a- Beautiful carrots.
b- Wait what about your fake mom? Why Zinnia? Is she-
a- Why the FUCK, right??
b- -like attention starved, or...
a- Kale and I think so. She's always speaking just slightly... too loud. Thatcher says she's fragile. How are those beans?
b- ...Diverse.